It feels like we just got the hang of this whole work-baby-parenting thing and BAM! She got sick. Man, is this rough! It had to happen eventually, so now is as good a time as any…if there can ever be a “good time” for your little one to get sick.
I anticipated quite a lot of things for when she would be ill. For one, I knew she would be cranky and uncomfortable. I knew she would possibly sleep less and eat poorly. I knew there was a very good chance that both of us would catch her bug and we’d all be one sick, happy family (that sounded better in my head).
What I didn’t anticipate is this: this tiny little human picked me as her favourite person. I feel so blessed and must admit, a tiny bit flattered. Because of this fact my mind has decided (in the background) that I’ll be damned if I let her down and make her feel abandoned or in any way betray this trust and love she instilled in me. So now that she is sick, keeping a work-life balance is extremely hard. Leaving her with someone else so I can go to work is just the worst thing in the world…does it sound silly? It sounded really silly to me when I said it out loud on Friday to hubby, crying my eyes out for who knows what reason…I blame little-to-no-sleep.
The thing is, on Monday I’ll face two demons: the first is to get over the fact that I am not the only person who loves my little girl and definitely not the only one who knows how to look after her. She also loves her caretakers at school, so clearly I just need to get over myself. Secondly, I need to discuss last week with my manager. It was the first time she was sick, yes I did go into overdrive, no this is not my normal work style and I know how to handle this now. Next time will be better. I really hope that is not an empty promise. I need to put on my big-girl-panties.
Even if I get this whole sick-kid-working-mommy thing down, one thing will never change: leaving her teary-eyed, snotty little face in someone else’s arms while I go do a job that seems more and more meaningless with every day…did I say that out loud? Somehow creating digital assets just doesn’t seem as important as raising a little human. But it does afford me the luxury of providing for her and even makes the time we do have together extra special.
It’s Sunday morning. Tomorrow will have it’s own problems. Today, right now, is all I really have. I will breathe in it and take every minute as it comes.