A LOT of things have been rushing through my head. I have been re-reading my blogs, letters I wrote to Kira, I wrote new ones to her, I have been wanting to blog so much of what I’m thinking. Today my cup is running over and I need to pin this down.

The banner on this post IS my Kira-child. She is 2 years old now. We are 3 months away from holding Luca. On Thursday last week the school lost her dummy (aka NANNA) and we went cold turkey. My close mom-friends will know that I am a hard-core-no-holds-barred let-your-kid-pick-the-right-time mom…yeah…until the universe says “hold my milk and check this move”.

And she’s fine. No, she’s more than fine. She’s eating better, communicating, even more cute than I thought she was before (no Pentagon, no need to engage Epic-level-cuteness defence forces yet…yet), she’s sleeping better and yet it was hard watching her adapt. I’m proud of us for making it through this though *high-five Dad*.

She has chosen to start potty training too. We’re not pushing it. No need to as the school isn’t serious yet either. We’re waiting for Spring. We are also moving house soon, so there are quite a lot of changes coming for her in the next month or two. I’m less worried after watching her cope with the loss of her NANNA.

I’m writing because I realised how much of me have been panicing all this time: will she cope through all of this? Are we doing too much in one go? Is she emotionally ready? Should I read more articles on how to help my toddler through change? Am I codling her too much?

I realised something: no, I am not ready. I am scared for her, I am over-preparing, I am over-protective. She is far more adaptable than I thought. She’s going to make it through this with flying colours. I most possibly won’t relax after this blog…or even ever, including her leaving home and starting her own life, but the epiphany gave me some grace I allow myself when the panic hits.

She is not where I am as an adult. I am very careful about mitigating the amount of stress in my life to counter the effects from my fibromyalgia. She is not ill and have no need for managing stress yet. She is and always will be loved and supported by us. For all I know she is far better adapted at managing life than my generation was.

I’m choosing to relax my grip. No, I am not ready. I’m doing it anyway. I’m the one panicing, not her. I will take these lessons and remember them for Luca.

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