You’re stronger than you think

Sometimes the best you can do is not what you think it is. It isn’t just an 85kg deadlift. It isn’t just staying up most of the night with two of your tiny offspring.

For the last few days God has been telling me again how He knows I am stronger than I think I am. He’s told me this before, also at a time I felt I wasn’t strong enough.

Right now, both hubby and I are into our forties raising little ones all below 3. I find we’ve instinctively found a way to tag-team this parenting stuff. Kira is 2,5 years old and finding herself has been challenging for everybody but our little boy of 12 weeks. He just smiles at anybody willing to sit still with him for long enough.

I tell people Luca needs a lot of attention, but to be honest, I spend half as much time with him as I did with Kira when she was this little. My heart sinks when I think about the fact that he needs to ask for it.

Truth is I’m more comfortable this time around. I’d be on the other side of the house when he wakes up. With Kira I spent most of my time within 10 feet of her to make sure she’s never alone…did I create my little girl to be needy or overly emotional? I hope not. Is her terrible emotional outbursts part of how sheltered I raised her? I really hope not.

It’s funny how we allow just about anybody able to make a child to have one. I mean, it most definitely is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried. Not only am I challenged, but I am very aware of the fact that if I do this even slightly wrong, I can lose my husband and deliver two very incapable humans to the earth. I’m talking microns of an inch to the left…

This is the epicenter of stress. Having a job interview or resigning to chase your dreams suddenly seems like nothing. I sit next to a sleeping Luca, preparing to pick him up out of his sleep to go to a chiropractor who will try to adjust him a second time to help with his colic, all the while wondering if his screaming sister and stressing, over-tired parents isn’t contributing to his spasms.

Hubby turns 42 on Friday. Today is Tuesday and I’ve been getting the kids in tow to make his present special. In the meantime, both Luca and I are battling a tummy bug and Kira seems more intent than ever to rule the house with her temper and discontent…

I am stronger than I think I am. I am as strong as I am because I am not alone. Thank You God.

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